Things have been so hard lately. I haven't been able to do so much and it's been so discouraging. I have felt very much like a fraud.
On November 8th, I had an accident at work. Because it's worker's comp, it has been taking a long time to get anywhere. A month after the accident, I had the official diagnosis. The ligament broke away from the bone and there was a hairline fracture. I broke my knee and surgery is required.
I had an aha tonight that was quite interesting. I was journaling a year in review. I was writing about my job and the toll it was taking on me and then about my accident. I mentioned that I broke my knee and it was my soul screaming “you need a break.” Is it a surprise I broke my knee? I got a physical break in my knee and it's forced me to take it really easy.
Emotionally, this has been crazy. Unable to carry anything, for my hands are occupied with crutches. Unable to do my own laundry. I can't even take a shower by myself. This has been hard.
One of the hardest parts has been an absolute frustration with the state of my home and my feelings of inability to do anything about it. I have literally felt like I couldn't do anything, which of course is an absolute that isn't true. I have been limited but there are still things I can do.
How many times do we say absolutes like that? How many times do we prevent ourselves from achieving anything because we have gone into a negative absolute?
I learned a game called “What If Up” and the point is to spiral up not down. Instead of going down the what-if cycle of despair, you consciously choose to go up. What if I was so powerful I could ask and my home would be cleaned? What if the worker's comp approved surgery so fast and I get my surgery right away? What if my home were as peaceful as I desire it to be?
I know the pieces of my life have been falling into place. It's been an interesting couple of weeks watching it happen. I desired to get my children pajamas for Christmas and the way was provided. They finally called for my son's testing. I have been led to some incredible resources to help me succeed and be ME. All of this from changing my perspective.
It started like this. I was frustrated and telling my friend that it felt like things were falling apart. I then gave myself permission to have things fall apart. Well, when I do that, I follow with a positive. I give myself permission for things to come together. I give myself permission for things to fall into place. When I did that there was so much energy shifting and it was the next day that I got the means to buy pajamas and the call about testing. When I repeated some clearings about things coming together was when other things synchronistically showed up.
Imagine your life if you played what up games or gave yourself permission for positive things to happen!
Things still aren't perfect for me but I'm sure doing my best to focus on the positives. My life is coming together and I have peace in my life. What about you?
With love from my heart to yours,
Michele
P.S. Happy New Year!