One of my favorite
subjects is Love Languages. I am pretty sure you have heard of the
concept by now. It's pretty prevalent. Gary Chapman wrote his first
book back in the 90s. He's written or co-written a few since then. I
find out new things about the Love Languages each time I read one of
his books.
My favorite book
by him is “God Speaks Your Love Language”. Most of the Love
Language books are based on the idea of finding out what someone's
love language is and speaking their language to foster feelings of love
in that person. Well, with God, it's not quite the same.
God speaks all of
the love languages. He's not bound by our speaking a specific
language to him. What he seeks from us is our ability to know He
loves us, and our ability to spread and grow language toward him and
others. With God, it's about learning to really speak your own
language to Him, which will, in turn, allow you to feel more loved by
Him. Then adding in the other languages as we learn and grow in our
ability to speak love.
To remind you,
here is a brief overview of each language in the order they are
presented in this particular book. I'll be following up with a post
specifically about each language and the ins and outs as I understand
them of how they work with God.
Words of
Affirmation is about using words to express your love. There are
varying dialects so if you have a words person in your life, you
might want to note the ones that they respond to most. There are
words of encouragement, words of recognition, polite manners,
gratitude, and more. It's really important that you use kind words
with a words person because they are especially sensitive to
criticism. This isn't to say that all people that are sensitive to
criticism have the words love language but all who have the words
love language will be sensitive to words.
Quality Time is
about spending time with someone. For them, it is about being with
the people. Sharing activities, having direct conversations without
distractions of phones and such. Again there are dialects. Some will
really enjoy just being in the same room as you and some will prefer
to do specific types of activities. This is another area that if you
believe your loved one is a quality time kind of person, be sure to
also observe their favorite dialects.
Gifts is about
symbols of love and thought. It can be one of the most challenging
languages to have because it is often judged as being materialistic.
This isn't true. It's not ever about the item you gift them, it's
about the thoughts and feelings behind it. The gift says, “I think
about you when I am not with you,” which is what they also do for
you. There are dialects here too. Some have a dialect that involves
food, some have a dialect that involves presence, some enjoy
trinkets, and some especially love homemade. Pay attention to how you
respond to a gift they give as well, it's important to them that the
gifts they give are received well.
Acts of Service is
about serving. They may love it when you provide for them, shelter,
food, etc. They may love it when you vacuum or wash dishes. These
people are naturally inclined to take care of you and your needs and
often expect the same in return. I'll be honest, this one is my
hardest to speak.
Physical Touch is
about touch, of course. It can be hard for men to decipher the truth
about this one because they are usually wired to love sex. Sex is
important to a touch person and they will enjoy and crave other kinds
of touch as well. They will usually love hugs, but may not care for
hugs from people they don't actually care about. Wrestling, tickle
fights, holding hands, etc might all be the deepest sense of love for
them.
All of the Love
Languages have dialects. It's always important to discover not only
their love language but also the dialects they love the most. Some
people will say there are more than five languages but I agree with
Dr. Chapman that there are five languages with a lot of dialects.
One challenge is
where they overlap. The gift of presence could look like quality time
to the person who looks only at that one aspect. A gifts person may
love cards which could cause you to think they are a words person. A
service person might enjoy working alongside someone which
could also be mistaken for quality time. With my own Love Language, I
can see dialects within all of the other languages. This can be
really hard to figure it out unless you look at the whole picture.
I think it's
really important to know your own love language. It helps you to
notice where you are speaking only your language. It helps you notice
that someone else isn't speaking yours and that's why you doubt their
love. It can help you see where you need more work, like how I
struggle with service but have an important relationship that has
service as the Love Language.
I
found it interesting and beneficial to take the test in different
ways. Here is where you can find all four tests.
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
(The links to Amazon are affiliate
but the ones to the love language quizzes are not.) I have taken the
one for couples, even though I am currently single. I have taken the
one for singles. I have taken the one for teens thinking of how I
would have responded as a teen, which I found very insightful for me.
I have even taken it as a child, trying to think of how I would have
taken it if I were a child. I do always get the same answer for my
main one and varying for the second, third, and fourth languages.
Service is always last. :)
One thing to note,
my sweet friend refers to the languages as layers. She talks about
your dominant one being the one closest to the heart. It's the one we
hear the best because it's right near our hearts. As the layers move
out each getting further from the heart, we'll eventually get to the
one furthest from our heart. This is the one that is hardest for us
to believe. We do possess all five of the Love Languages.
Be sure to comment
below what your love language is and why you feel it is important to
know your language as well as others.
If you want to
read “God Speaks Your Love Language” you can use this link or click on the image.
With love from my heart to yours,
Michele