Failure?

I am a failure and so are you. Before you freak out, let me explain.

Our entire life we have been fed expectations. How to look, how to dress, how to talk, what to think, who to like, how to serve, etc. For some of us, this has been extreme. There was a critical person in my life making the expectations more drastic and I know I'm not the only one.

I just watched the movie “Turning Red” and there was a line in it that was so triggering for me. I sobbed. The main character screamed at her mom, “I'm sorry; I'm not perfect like you.” That was so hard for me because even in the last year of my mom's life, I had screamed that same line at her. Every time I didn't do things the way she wanted, every time there was a critical slur thrown my way, I knew I didn't meet her expectations. I felt like a failure and like I would never measure up or be enough.

Here are some things to consider. She said those things because she felt them about herself. She too was striving to be perfect and spent her days with an inner critic saying awful things to herself. She too believed she was not enough and would never measure up.

More importantly, I could not ever live up to her expectations. That's the truth. I couldn't because number one, they were unrealistic expectations. Number two, I am a completely different person. I am motivated by different things. I have experienced different things. I see the world through different lenses. I would have to completely change me into her ideal version of herself in order to achieve her version of perfection. Her ideal wasn't even based on her soul's point of view, it was all the expectations she was fed.

Who told us what was perfect? Our parents, society, church, and even what we thought they implied but didn't say. How many of those ideas are based on the real you? on God's truth? Are they giving you guidelines based on your uniqueness in the world? Of course not.

Based on the fact that none of these ideas are taking into consideration the soul that is you, it is literally impossible to achieve this perfection. Therefore, we are all failures. YAY for that because do you really want to change yourself into some idea of perfect that has nothing to do with you? I don't want to succeed at their ideals. In this way, I want to be a failure.

It's important for us to redefine what failure means and even what perfection means. My new definition is: Failure is not meeting outside expectations. The reality is, when we get in tune with what our soul desires, we are so excited to be that way and do those things that we don't quit, we don't fail UNLESS we still have outside expectations getting in our way.

Who would you be without the expectations of the world, your family, etc? What would you do? 

Sometimes that's hard. We have been so busy trying to be what everyone wants, we forget who we are. For me, I ask God to give me insight into my truth. I also tune into those times when I do feel expansive, blissful, and at peace. I know that is the real me. If I were making decisions from that place, what would I decide?

The truth is, since failure is meeting outside expectations, I want to be a failure. I want to be ME. The beautiful, calm, peaceful me that is so full of love. From that space, how could I ever choose in a way that would harm me or those I love?

Some of you Obligers are freaking out. (See last week's post if you don't know what I mean.) I know you are wired to meet the expectations of others. Maybe a solution would be seeking God's True expectations, after all, if you believe in God do you really want to disappoint? Or, maybe it's about not letting down your soul. There is a solution for you to let go of the false ideas of perfection.

The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I am such a failure at _____,” look at what external expectations you aren't meeting. Who told you what being a good mom looks like? Who told you what being a good wife looks like? Who told you what being a good person looks like? As the song says, “Who said you're not perfect?” What would you choose if you listened to your soul?

With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

Life Facilitator

I'm inviting you to wake up and live!

What Could Have Been

I have been watching a British show called Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. I found it on YouTube. The basis of the show is taking volunteers who are OCD with an emphasis on cleaning whether for germs, order, or both. These volunteers then go into a hoarder's home, usually not been cleaned in years. They get 4 days to get the house as clean as possible. It's been fascinating to watch.

I have a bit of OCD myself. Not the cleaning one but I can be a bit obsessive about some things in my home. I get kind of stuck on things and find it really hard to feel at peace with things. I don't quite know how to explain it. Mostly my OCD comes in the form of Scrupulosity which is a moral or religious OCD in which I have to live just right.

For this reason, I can really relate to some of what the OCD people are feeling. Not completely but I at least know that it is a compulsion they have little if any control over.

I have also experienced depression to the point of letting my whole house go. Feeling so overwhelmed by the stuff that I have no clue where to start. I have never been to a hoarder level but before I learned to declutter, I had quite a bit of stuff that overwhelmed me. I still have a lot of areas I haven't been able to get to for various reasons.

For this reason, I can really relate to the hoarders too. I know there are a lot of reasons for hoarding and not cleaning. I know that it's a spectrum and all of the people on that show are to one extreme or the other. They all have some deep wounds somewhere in their psyche.

Tonight as I watched, I started crying. Right now, I am coming to the end of my first challenge. The challenges are a month long and I do 11 healing sessions for all of the group members. I give tips when I can and I love the group for the accountability it provides to me. It's really hard to let it slide when I feel like I have all my group members counting on me to set an example. You can learn about it and join the next one here. I accept new members through the 10th of each month.

Back to why I was crying. My mom has been gone for six months. There are a lot of feelings all around. I have been cleaning out her room this month. I have taken over ten large trash bags of garbage out of that room, and I'm not really done. We have lived here for 10 years and although she made attempts at cleaning, she never really cleaned it the whole time. She was a hoarder. Not to the extent of many of those people on TV but she was a hoarder.

As I watched the show tonight, I kept thinking, “Why didn't I help her? Why didn't I offer to spend a day here and there going through the stuff with her? Why did I allow her to get so bad?”

As I was thinking, I had the thought, “For the same reason you couldn't tell her you loved her until a month before she passed.” I sigh.

There is a healing tool that I used in March with my mom. It is as simple as saying a sentence and believing it works. “I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness I have for my mom. I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness my mom has for me. I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness between my mom and me.”

What happens is somewhere back in time, trapped energy collected in one or both of us that was like what some people call a broadcast message. It's like there was a wall or sign that prevented certain behavior. Like she held up a sign to me that says, “You must treat me this way,” and I had to treat her that way. Maybe I was holding a sign in front of my own eyes that says, “Mom is like this so I must behave like that.” It doesn't matter which one of us has the energy or what they really said. It was the fact that they existed that was the challenge.

For years, I tried and tried to tell my mom I loved her. I could tell all of my children, every guy I dated, and even some other relatives that I loved them. When it came to my mom, I couldn't do it. It drove me crazy and I was constantly trying to figure it out.

When I did the clearing statements, I didn't do it thinking about the love situation. I just wanted to clear the energy away so I could be me, the real me, with my mom. It was a pleasant surprise that I was able to say “I love you” as I desired to. My mom was surprised too! It took her a moment and then she replied in like. After that, I found it quite easy to tell her that I loved her. 

I had to do another clearing statement when she said, “I love you too.” I would think, “No, you don't,” or, “Yeah, right.” So, I used the clearing statement, “That's an interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” I got that and the concept for the impediment work from Access Consciousness. They have some good tools and some not as great tools. :)

I was so grateful as my mom entered the hospital to have all those thoughts cleared up. I could tell her of my love and hear her reply and know that it was all true. I kept wishing I would have known sooner because the last month of her life was so sweet with that barrier gone.

I don't know what all thoughts were between my mom, me, and the clutter. Some about me thinking her unwilling to hear me or let me help. Some about her own beliefs that she could never get it done. Who knows what all was there.

Now, here I am. Making headway in her former room. Working bit by bit to declutter the whole house of all the garbage she left. I seek for and find the hidden treasures of her love. We let a lot go to the thrift store and a whole lot to the dump. Eventually, the only things left will be the reminders of love that spark incredible joy.

I can't let myself get caught up in the what could have beens. They weren't. Things are what they are. I can only go forward and send compassion to the past. We all did the best we knew how at the time.

My wish for you is to send compassion and forgiveness to the past. Clear away the limiting thoughts and energy from the now. Move forward with more love and joy than ever!

With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

Intuitive Healer

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover

Super sorry for missing last week. I have been thinking about this post all week and I would try and write it and it wouldn't work. I'd end up venting about something in life or I'd be writing and my mind would be connecting the dots. The problem was when my mind is connecting the dots like that, my thoughts are super disjointed and you'd be confused. So, here we are Monday morning and I refuse to miss two weeks in a row. This will be a get what you get non-edited post.

One of the thoughts I was trying to put together was about how there are different types of people with money and how that compares to the home. For instance, there are people that love saving. They feel like they are financially free when they have a certain amount in savings. There are certain people that feel financially free when they are investing. There are other people that feel financially free when they have plenty of money to spend. I'm not a spender but that would be my area. I long to be able to buy without budgeting to the penny.

In homes, we have people that are instinctively organized. We have people who love to clean. We have people who hate cleaning. We have hoarders. We have minimalists. We have collectors. We have people who toss like no one will miss it. You might fall somewhere in the middle of one or more of these dichotomies.

What I have noticed is that a pretty discouraging thinking process is comparison. If you are a hoarder, you might find yourself comparing yourself to a minimalist. Then what happens? You start beating yourself up and telling yourself you should do better and you just need to get rid of all of your stuff, which then overwhelms you and you get stuck.

Imagine what would happen if you didn't compare. Maybe you'd decide that you have an excess and it's time to get organized. You'd decide it might be time to get rid of a few things. Because you aren't comparing, you could listen to your heart tell you what you are ready to let go of. You wouldn't be beating yourself up for keeping something that you aren't ready to let go of. You'd love and value yourself for where you are right now. You might even let go of more things because you are valuing yourself where you are. You wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to be like so-and-so and so the overwhelm wouldn't come.

The person who is what we call “born organized” might actually not be someone you want to be. They may have a severe OCD going on. They need everything in a perfect place because their brain is so out of sorts that they are putting extra pressure on their environment to be perfect. The hoarder might be keeping all of their stuff because they are afraid they will need it one day. They could also have OCD that is such that they can't get it perfect right now so they won't do anything and then it gets too much. We all have our own stories and reasons why we are experiencing life the way we are. When we look at someone's book cover, we may not realize the crazy story that is inside.

Instinctively, we know that too much stuff is weighing us down. What do you need to learn from your stuff? What is your story?

Is your stuff protection to you? Where did it start? What are you protecting yourself from? Is it really still needed? What is the next step to change the story?

Are you keeping your stuff because you may need it one day? Is that even your story or did you inherit it from your ancestor that lived in the great depression when people really did need to keep things? Are you ready to let that story go?

When you release these stories, you can listen to your heart a little better. You can know if you are keeping food storage out of fear or out of obedience. You can know what brings you joy and what you no longer need. You can live in abundant thinking knowing that you will always have exactly what you need, so letting things go is easier.

When we stop comparing, we can look at our own stories. We can decide what stories to keep and what ones to let go. If you need some help in this kind of thing, there are plenty of coaches, mentors, and healers like myself to engage in the work. The important things are looking only at yourself and letting go of the comparison game.

Much love to you!

Michele

House Intuitive

Healing homes and the people who love them.