Start in the Middle

Having a fun conversation with my daughter. It all started with a conversation about her desire to be an actual bard. Well, really it started last night when we were talking about how her back was out of alignment and that led to talking about her room (because I'm me) and we discovered what area was out of alignment. Purpose, it all boiled down to purpose.

She hadn't even done any of the work in her room and just the awareness last night had her writing in her book, after being stuck for a while. Along with the book was her talking about what she really wants to do. She wants to go around singing and telling stories in person like an actual bard. Just that awareness last night was powerful enough to get her moving forward. Imagine what will happen when she actually does the work in her room!

It led me to talking about my career. What room in the house is associated with my career? The laundry room. We talked about how overwhelming it is. Her stuff is in there. My mom's stuff is in there. My stuff is getting buried. How I don't know where to start? This is where her quote comes in. "I would start in the middle because people don't expect that."  

Starting in the middle of this challenge isn't really an option because I wouldn't know where the middle is. The thing that struck me was "people don't expect that." How could I approach this in a new and unexpected way?

I decided to go the route of saying, "Yes, I want to be invisible. Why do I want to be invisible?" Although I didn't get direct answers. The energy opened up and other ideas started coming. 

The next day, we were talking to my younger daughter about how her style makes her feel sexy. She said the word sexy with such shame. I'm not talking the sexy of immodest clothing but there is such a connotation around the word that we can't see it any other way. Again, me being me, we went clearing that. She had some comparisonitis to take care of.

We ended with dancing to some songs that own being sexy. Mehan Trainor's song "Me Too" was one we played. My older daughter came in my face and sang "If I were you, I'd want to be me too." That's when things came back around to me. My internal response was, "Yeah, I do want to be you."

In fact, as I'm looking through different thoughts they all boil down to "I don't want to be me." It's not an unheard of thought in my head, but it isn't one that stood out so strong before. Now, I'm healing it. Will it be fully gone the next time I write? I hope so but if not, it's ok because layers will be gone and that's a step closer.

An unexpected approach brought an idea fully into my mind to address. What unexpected approach do you need in order to heal your life and declutter your home?

Michele

Soul Shine Specialist
a Decluttering & Healing Guide

Capable

Today, I spent time with my mom. She's been gone for just over 18 months. Yes, I miss her. What isn't always talked about is the relief that sometimes comes with death. I had a lot more relief than I care to admit and a lot more than most people knew.

Today, I was healing. I wrote a list of some of the ways she criticized me and the messages I received from both what she said and how she treated me. I didn't care about getting everything out. I went with the few things that came. I plan to repeat the process a few times.

I remembered when we were moving. My mom sent me to bed. She let my brother stay up to help her pack. I remember feeling a little hurt but I had no clue the depth of pain I held in that memory. I received a big message, “You are not capable. You require more sleep than Steven.”

I have been looking for where the energy that taught me that I am not capable came from. I couldn't find it. I didn't know where to look. I think it's because I tend to look for one big event but this one was line upon line. The line when I was little told me I was too young to clean the toilet. This huge thing when I was twelve. A few other messages along the way. All add up and eventually, I just “know” that I am not capable and I get illnesses that prove that belief right.

I had a friend tell me that my words about work told him that I was believing that I wasn't worthy of money or that I was only worthy to be poor. He meant well, and I could definitely see why he thought that. I want to share with you that sometimes it isn't about worth, even when you think it is. I knew I was worthy of money and that I was worthy and deserve to have money. I didn't believe I was capable. All the worth in the world won't change your life if you don't believe you are capable.

If you have been working on self-love, self-worth, and other similar things and you aren't seeing changes in your life, consider that there is another word in the way. For me, it was capable. For you, it could be something else. 

If you want some assistance on this, reach out. It doesn't have to be to me, but I am here for you if you need it. I just want to see you shine, no matter how you get there. I know you are worthy, beautiful, and I even know you are capable! And so am I!

With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

Soul Shine Specialist

Wake up and live!

What Could Have Been

I have been watching a British show called Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. I found it on YouTube. The basis of the show is taking volunteers who are OCD with an emphasis on cleaning whether for germs, order, or both. These volunteers then go into a hoarder's home, usually not been cleaned in years. They get 4 days to get the house as clean as possible. It's been fascinating to watch.

I have a bit of OCD myself. Not the cleaning one but I can be a bit obsessive about some things in my home. I get kind of stuck on things and find it really hard to feel at peace with things. I don't quite know how to explain it. Mostly my OCD comes in the form of Scrupulosity which is a moral or religious OCD in which I have to live just right.

For this reason, I can really relate to some of what the OCD people are feeling. Not completely but I at least know that it is a compulsion they have little if any control over.

I have also experienced depression to the point of letting my whole house go. Feeling so overwhelmed by the stuff that I have no clue where to start. I have never been to a hoarder level but before I learned to declutter, I had quite a bit of stuff that overwhelmed me. I still have a lot of areas I haven't been able to get to for various reasons.

For this reason, I can really relate to the hoarders too. I know there are a lot of reasons for hoarding and not cleaning. I know that it's a spectrum and all of the people on that show are to one extreme or the other. They all have some deep wounds somewhere in their psyche.

Tonight as I watched, I started crying. Right now, I am coming to the end of my first challenge. The challenges are a month long and I do 11 healing sessions for all of the group members. I give tips when I can and I love the group for the accountability it provides to me. It's really hard to let it slide when I feel like I have all my group members counting on me to set an example. You can learn about it and join the next one here. I accept new members through the 10th of each month.

Back to why I was crying. My mom has been gone for six months. There are a lot of feelings all around. I have been cleaning out her room this month. I have taken over ten large trash bags of garbage out of that room, and I'm not really done. We have lived here for 10 years and although she made attempts at cleaning, she never really cleaned it the whole time. She was a hoarder. Not to the extent of many of those people on TV but she was a hoarder.

As I watched the show tonight, I kept thinking, “Why didn't I help her? Why didn't I offer to spend a day here and there going through the stuff with her? Why did I allow her to get so bad?”

As I was thinking, I had the thought, “For the same reason you couldn't tell her you loved her until a month before she passed.” I sigh.

There is a healing tool that I used in March with my mom. It is as simple as saying a sentence and believing it works. “I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness I have for my mom. I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness my mom has for me. I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness between my mom and me.”

What happens is somewhere back in time, trapped energy collected in one or both of us that was like what some people call a broadcast message. It's like there was a wall or sign that prevented certain behavior. Like she held up a sign to me that says, “You must treat me this way,” and I had to treat her that way. Maybe I was holding a sign in front of my own eyes that says, “Mom is like this so I must behave like that.” It doesn't matter which one of us has the energy or what they really said. It was the fact that they existed that was the challenge.

For years, I tried and tried to tell my mom I loved her. I could tell all of my children, every guy I dated, and even some other relatives that I loved them. When it came to my mom, I couldn't do it. It drove me crazy and I was constantly trying to figure it out.

When I did the clearing statements, I didn't do it thinking about the love situation. I just wanted to clear the energy away so I could be me, the real me, with my mom. It was a pleasant surprise that I was able to say “I love you” as I desired to. My mom was surprised too! It took her a moment and then she replied in like. After that, I found it quite easy to tell her that I loved her. 

I had to do another clearing statement when she said, “I love you too.” I would think, “No, you don't,” or, “Yeah, right.” So, I used the clearing statement, “That's an interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” I got that and the concept for the impediment work from Access Consciousness. They have some good tools and some not as great tools. :)

I was so grateful as my mom entered the hospital to have all those thoughts cleared up. I could tell her of my love and hear her reply and know that it was all true. I kept wishing I would have known sooner because the last month of her life was so sweet with that barrier gone.

I don't know what all thoughts were between my mom, me, and the clutter. Some about me thinking her unwilling to hear me or let me help. Some about her own beliefs that she could never get it done. Who knows what all was there.

Now, here I am. Making headway in her former room. Working bit by bit to declutter the whole house of all the garbage she left. I seek for and find the hidden treasures of her love. We let a lot go to the thrift store and a whole lot to the dump. Eventually, the only things left will be the reminders of love that spark incredible joy.

I can't let myself get caught up in the what could have beens. They weren't. Things are what they are. I can only go forward and send compassion to the past. We all did the best we knew how at the time.

My wish for you is to send compassion and forgiveness to the past. Clear away the limiting thoughts and energy from the now. Move forward with more love and joy than ever!

With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

Intuitive Healer

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

Lessons from the October Challenge

I want to give you a bit of an update on what I have been doing. I started a “challenge” so that I can motivate myself and encourage others at the same time. It's been a lot of fun doing healing sessions for the group and I have made huge progress in my mom's room. Leading others is a great way for me to push myself to do what I need to do.

What have I learned in the last few weeks as I have been doing this?

I discovered that I need to stop referring to the room as my mom's room or grandma's room. She no longer lives in that room. I found a new name for that room that inspires me to get in there. My kids know what I am talking about when I call it the Meadow. Its full name is Michele's Magical Meadow.

I realized I need to stop calling the stuff my mom's stuff. It isn't hers anymore. She left it behind. It's kind of my inheritance. Now, I really didn't want to inherit a bunch of garbage to sort through hoping to find the occasional treasure. At the same time, when I claim it as mine, it makes it easier for me to toss things, donate things, etc like I have trained myself to take care of my own stuff.

Another thing is, although she left all that stuff, I don't actually have to go through it. I could send it to my brother. I could give it to my kids and tell them to go through it. I could toss it all, forget any possible treasure. Realizing this actually makes it easier for me to go through it because now it is a choice. I am excited to find the treasures within the garbage.

I have also discovered that when I get stuck, I can treat myself like a client. This happened today. I went in to clean in the Meadow. I got to a point where my next step is to clean off the bed. The bed wasn't a mess when my mom passed. It's stuff I've piled on as I have gone through other things. Mostly things I haven't known what to do with. Basically, I created a big "box" of stuff for me to go through, only it isn't a box.

I froze. I couldn't really do anything.

I decided to ask myself, “What would I tell my client in this situation?” Wow, that was fascinating. I would ask her to look at what area of her life that pile represented. I discovered it was the overwhelming grief I have been experiencing. I then asked, “How much of that is yours?” My answer was none. I became aware that it was grief my mom left behind, the grief she felt as she knew she was leaving me a mess, grief from the dog, the kids, etc. Some could have even been inherited. I was a bit surprised, but not really. I have been feeling and healing as much as I could when it comes up. I was frustrated it wasn't going away. I finally asked for it to be cleared.

I haven't been able to go back into the room because of timing priorities but I have had ideas about how to deal with the mess. I wasn't getting those ideas before so if nothing else, I was able to get past a stuck place.

Another interesting thing to note about this challenge. I have been having the most awesome experiences after each session. The one on Wednesday was about careers. I'm writing this on Thursday and I had some really awesome things show up in my awareness that I could use for my career. I don't know if I am taking it but it's so cool that it showed up the day after I did the healing! If nothing else, it might open me to some more clarity as I move forward.

The whole thing has been really exciting and I am only halfway through the month! Who knows what else this month will bring!

Big hugs my friends,

Michele

Intuitive Healer & Coach

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

Embracing the Feelings

Woohoo, two weeks in a row. I must be on a roll!

I am nervoucited. I am teaching my first HomeVision course this week. It’s a 3-week class starting on Thursday, Aug 27. (I would love to see you there)

I know that the information is powerful. I know that the people who have used the information I am teaching have had some pretty profound results. I know I am an expert in this field. For those reasons, I am excited.

Then comes the doubt which makes me nervous. Do you do that? Do you doubt your gifts and expertise? What if no one comes? What if they don’t like me? What if they think it was a waste of their money, even though it is only $27? All of the what-ifs come in. I know we all do this to some degree or another.

Usually, or at least in the past, when the what-if would come, I would try to avoid it. Maybe I would even try to release it. I might find success and I might not.

One of the reasons it is not successful is because I am approaching it from a place of resistance. What we resist persists. I’m fighting the beliefs and fears. Because I am fighting them and wanting to change them out of fear, they persist.

There is a fun little trick that takes the wind right out of their sails. Embrace them, love them.

To embrace them, we start by acknowledging them. “I have this fear. I am afraid of looking like a fool.” Once I have acknowledged what it is, it has already lost a piece of its power. It is no longer hidden. 

Then we say “I am embracing this. I feel this. In fact, I want to feel it bigger than this. I grow this fear. I really feel into this fear.” That takes out so much more power. We are no longer resisting. We are moving into it. We are becoming one with it. All it wants is to be felt and known. 

After that comes the magic step. “I love this. I love this fear of looking like a fool.” We repeat the steps. Acknowledge beliefs and feelings. Embrace them. Grow them. Love them. 

After a while, you won’t even be able to find the feelings anymore. The power of love just takes them completely away. We didn’t resist, it doesn’t persist.

One key is to approach this as a resting opportunity, not a changing opportunity. Sometimes things don’t completely change. The circumstances may not. My mother will always be dead but the feelings can go, they can change, I can be at peace.

The point of embracing is not to change. It is to come to a place of peace. I don’t go into my feelings wanting them to go away. When I do, they take longer to release. I need to go in with the intent to be at peace. Listen to my feelings and thoughts, love them for what they are, and allow myself to be peace. The fact that feelings usually leave is a bonus.

I hope you found this extra helpful.

If you want to be a part of the HomeVision program, here is the link. There are going to be replays so even if you can’t make it to the live classes, that’s ok.

Lots of love,

Michele

Intuitive Healer

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

I'm Back :)

It has been a while. I have gotten pretty off track and then I went through some fascinating adventures.

Let’s start with some big ones that are really affecting my life and what is important to me.

In the midst of this pandemic that has everyone obsessed, I lost my mom. She had cancer that we didn’t know about until two weeks before she passed. It was devastating in many ways. At the same time, I was surprised that in many ways it was a relief.

To understand, you must understand that my mom was wounded. She was a hurt woman who was not living the life she was designed to live. It was obvious to me that she was suffering in many ways. I never knew what to do for her and I was trapped in some stinking thinking as well.

I lived with my mom. This meant that most of the house was not in my control. The house was hers, even though we rented. It was her choice to live here. It was her dishes we were using; her furniture and things like that. This place was hers which meant that I didn’t do much around the house. I felt resentful that my stuff was packed away for years I felt powerless and out of sorts.

When she passed, it was time for me to claim this all as my own. I had to begin the process of creating order and sorting out what was what. I still have a long way to go. I find it hard to go through her stuff because there is so much. She was pretty much a hoarder.

The other thing that happened was back in November, I broke my knee. This left me on the couch for three months until surgery. The 7 months since surgery has been a slow process of healing. I still limp pretty bad and I am still very limited on what I can do. It is a real challenge and with the extra work put on me, it has been hard.

I have used this time to learn so much about myself. I have allowed myself to heal. I have allowed myself to feel awful for a while. Sometimes I even allowed myself to avoid the feelings for a while. That was a hard lesson.

I learned that although it is important to feel your feelings, there is a reason we stuff them. There is a reason we avoid them. Sometimes when a big thing or two happens it is too much and we must use the coping methods to avoid the feelings for a while. When we are strong, we can come back. The real problem with stuffing feelings is that most people don’t come back. Most people avoid them for so long until they come out as illness or something similar.

I have been addressing a few feelings here and there. Some are really big and some are smaller. Some are still on the shelf for a while. It has only been about three months since my mom passed. There is still a long way to go and that’s ok.

I am grateful for the process. I am grateful for my tools. When I get stuck, I know how to use my home and other tools to get me unstuck and that’s pretty awesome.

I hope that your life is going well. I hope that you are allowing yourself to put things on a shelf when needed and then remembering to take them out and feel them when you are stronger. I hope that you are feeling and healing. If you ever need some help with any part of the process, reach out. I’ll be happy to help in whatever way I can.

Big hugs,

Michele

Intuitive Healer

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

Deep, Deep Feelings Stirred

I cannot return to the Love language series just yet. I feel a call to write about what was blocking me from continuing. My two strongest love languages are gifts and touch. These languages were coming up to talk about. I couldn't write about them because I was having some severe issues with God. I didn't really know it.

Recently, I had someone guide me through a healing process about my fear of falling. I am sure you can imagine as I am recovering from a fall last November, that this fear was interfering with my healing progress. For this first time, it became imperative that I heal this fear.

We started by talking about the memories that I had with falling. Recent or past. I listed a bunch and we started. This process took me to heal the first surgery I had. Even though I am sure that no one dropped me when I had tubes put in my ears at 18 months, I had that sensation. There were other memories and feelings of anger to deal with. Then I was taken to a memory I hadn't listed.

When I was twelve, I had tied a jump rope to a gate and proceeded to swing on it. The rope broke and I fell on my tailbone. The bruised tailbone was so excruciatingly painful. The doctors made it worse by forcing me to sit on it. I seriously can't think of a more painful experience.

This experience had so much emotion in it. I was sobbing and I had no clue it was there all along. I didn't know the feelings toward myself were there. I didn't know my feelings towards doctors were there. I didn't know my feelings toward God were there. So many feelings. So much betrayal by God for allowing it to happen.

It isn't hard to see that when I fell last November, these hidden feelings were triggered. It wasn't just the fear of going to doctors that were triggered, but I definitely felt that fear, especially that they would want me to do things that would hurt it more. I went to each appointment with apprehension. It was also that hidden anger and betrayal associated with God. Those hidden feelings were brought to the surface. I had no clue they were there, and yet they were affecting my whole life. It's why it was so hard to believe His promises even after I addressed the beliefs about promises kept.

As the remaining layers get healed, I find myself forgiving and trusting God again. I have found myself wanting to clear out all of the muck in the way of my connection with him. I have been asking Him to remove the resistance and open my heart. My daughter was surprised by this story. Her experience of me didn't allow for the idea that I could be so angry at God. I, myself was surprised at how much there was.

How much energy do you have buried deep? Maybe it doesn't affect your relationship with God. Maybe it doesn't make you afraid of doctors. Maybe it is keeping you single. Maybe it is keeping you sick. It's just this intense energy that you buried. Remember, I didn't even list that memory as one associated with falling. That's how deep it was buried. I remembered the experience but I didn't remember with any emotions because I had buried them so deep. Yet, there was always a heaviness with the memory.

Right now, a lot of deep feelings are being stirred in people. We want to get them out because even if we can't remember them, they are affecting us. They bring down our overall vibrations, they prevent us from receiving all we need. Sometimes we don't even need to know what they are, we just need to clear the energy. Sometimes you need to go into them to see how they connect. You will be led to the right tools for the situation. I trust that.

I'm here for you. Send me a message and we'll talk about what I can do for you as a friend or a healer. If money keeps you from talking to people, please don't allow that. I can do a lot for you for free or trades. I want to see you release these deep feelings so you can experience a life of peace, joy love, affluence, etc.


With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

Intuitive Healee