I want to give you a bit of an update on what I have been doing. I started a “challenge” so that I can motivate myself and encourage others at the same time. It's been a lot of fun doing healing sessions for the group and I have made huge progress in my mom's room. Leading others is a great way for me to push myself to do what I need to do.
What have I learned in the last few weeks as I have been doing this?
I discovered that I need to stop referring to the room as my mom's room or grandma's room. She no longer lives in that room. I found a new name for that room that inspires me to get in there. My kids know what I am talking about when I call it the Meadow. Its full name is Michele's Magical Meadow.
I realized I need to stop calling the stuff my mom's stuff. It isn't hers anymore. She left it behind. It's kind of my inheritance. Now, I really didn't want to inherit a bunch of garbage to sort through hoping to find the occasional treasure. At the same time, when I claim it as mine, it makes it easier for me to toss things, donate things, etc like I have trained myself to take care of my own stuff.
Another thing is, although she left all that stuff, I don't actually have to go through it. I could send it to my brother. I could give it to my kids and tell them to go through it. I could toss it all, forget any possible treasure. Realizing this actually makes it easier for me to go through it because now it is a choice. I am excited to find the treasures within the garbage.
I have also discovered that when I get stuck, I can treat myself like a client. This happened today. I went in to clean in the Meadow. I got to a point where my next step is to clean off the bed. The bed wasn't a mess when my mom passed. It's stuff I've piled on as I have gone through other things. Mostly things I haven't known what to do with. Basically, I created a big "box" of stuff for me to go through, only it isn't a box.
I froze. I couldn't really do anything.
I decided to ask myself, “What would I tell my client in this situation?” Wow, that was fascinating. I would ask her to look at what area of her life that pile represented. I discovered it was the overwhelming grief I have been experiencing. I then asked, “How much of that is yours?” My answer was none. I became aware that it was grief my mom left behind, the grief she felt as she knew she was leaving me a mess, grief from the dog, the kids, etc. Some could have even been inherited. I was a bit surprised, but not really. I have been feeling and healing as much as I could when it comes up. I was frustrated it wasn't going away. I finally asked for it to be cleared.
I haven't been able to go back into the room because of timing priorities but I have had ideas about how to deal with the mess. I wasn't getting those ideas before so if nothing else, I was able to get past a stuck place.
Another interesting thing to note about this challenge. I have been having the most awesome experiences after each session. The one on Wednesday was about careers. I'm writing this on Thursday and I had some really awesome things show up in my awareness that I could use for my career. I don't know if I am taking it but it's so cool that it showed up the day after I did the healing! If nothing else, it might open me to some more clarity as I move forward.
The whole thing has been really exciting and I am only halfway through the month! Who knows what else this month will bring!
Big hugs my friends,
Michele