What Could Have Been

I have been watching a British show called Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. I found it on YouTube. The basis of the show is taking volunteers who are OCD with an emphasis on cleaning whether for germs, order, or both. These volunteers then go into a hoarder's home, usually not been cleaned in years. They get 4 days to get the house as clean as possible. It's been fascinating to watch.

I have a bit of OCD myself. Not the cleaning one but I can be a bit obsessive about some things in my home. I get kind of stuck on things and find it really hard to feel at peace with things. I don't quite know how to explain it. Mostly my OCD comes in the form of Scrupulosity which is a moral or religious OCD in which I have to live just right.

For this reason, I can really relate to some of what the OCD people are feeling. Not completely but I at least know that it is a compulsion they have little if any control over.

I have also experienced depression to the point of letting my whole house go. Feeling so overwhelmed by the stuff that I have no clue where to start. I have never been to a hoarder level but before I learned to declutter, I had quite a bit of stuff that overwhelmed me. I still have a lot of areas I haven't been able to get to for various reasons.

For this reason, I can really relate to the hoarders too. I know there are a lot of reasons for hoarding and not cleaning. I know that it's a spectrum and all of the people on that show are to one extreme or the other. They all have some deep wounds somewhere in their psyche.

Tonight as I watched, I started crying. Right now, I am coming to the end of my first challenge. The challenges are a month long and I do 11 healing sessions for all of the group members. I give tips when I can and I love the group for the accountability it provides to me. It's really hard to let it slide when I feel like I have all my group members counting on me to set an example. You can learn about it and join the next one here. I accept new members through the 10th of each month.

Back to why I was crying. My mom has been gone for six months. There are a lot of feelings all around. I have been cleaning out her room this month. I have taken over ten large trash bags of garbage out of that room, and I'm not really done. We have lived here for 10 years and although she made attempts at cleaning, she never really cleaned it the whole time. She was a hoarder. Not to the extent of many of those people on TV but she was a hoarder.

As I watched the show tonight, I kept thinking, “Why didn't I help her? Why didn't I offer to spend a day here and there going through the stuff with her? Why did I allow her to get so bad?”

As I was thinking, I had the thought, “For the same reason you couldn't tell her you loved her until a month before she passed.” I sigh.

There is a healing tool that I used in March with my mom. It is as simple as saying a sentence and believing it works. “I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness I have for my mom. I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness my mom has for me. I clear and transmute all of the impediments of beingness between my mom and me.”

What happens is somewhere back in time, trapped energy collected in one or both of us that was like what some people call a broadcast message. It's like there was a wall or sign that prevented certain behavior. Like she held up a sign to me that says, “You must treat me this way,” and I had to treat her that way. Maybe I was holding a sign in front of my own eyes that says, “Mom is like this so I must behave like that.” It doesn't matter which one of us has the energy or what they really said. It was the fact that they existed that was the challenge.

For years, I tried and tried to tell my mom I loved her. I could tell all of my children, every guy I dated, and even some other relatives that I loved them. When it came to my mom, I couldn't do it. It drove me crazy and I was constantly trying to figure it out.

When I did the clearing statements, I didn't do it thinking about the love situation. I just wanted to clear the energy away so I could be me, the real me, with my mom. It was a pleasant surprise that I was able to say “I love you” as I desired to. My mom was surprised too! It took her a moment and then she replied in like. After that, I found it quite easy to tell her that I loved her. 

I had to do another clearing statement when she said, “I love you too.” I would think, “No, you don't,” or, “Yeah, right.” So, I used the clearing statement, “That's an interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” I got that and the concept for the impediment work from Access Consciousness. They have some good tools and some not as great tools. :)

I was so grateful as my mom entered the hospital to have all those thoughts cleared up. I could tell her of my love and hear her reply and know that it was all true. I kept wishing I would have known sooner because the last month of her life was so sweet with that barrier gone.

I don't know what all thoughts were between my mom, me, and the clutter. Some about me thinking her unwilling to hear me or let me help. Some about her own beliefs that she could never get it done. Who knows what all was there.

Now, here I am. Making headway in her former room. Working bit by bit to declutter the whole house of all the garbage she left. I seek for and find the hidden treasures of her love. We let a lot go to the thrift store and a whole lot to the dump. Eventually, the only things left will be the reminders of love that spark incredible joy.

I can't let myself get caught up in the what could have beens. They weren't. Things are what they are. I can only go forward and send compassion to the past. We all did the best we knew how at the time.

My wish for you is to send compassion and forgiveness to the past. Clear away the limiting thoughts and energy from the now. Move forward with more love and joy than ever!

With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

Intuitive Healer

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

Accentuate the Positive

My dear friends,

Things have been so hard lately. I haven't been able to do so much and it's been so discouraging. I have felt very much like a fraud.

On November 8th, I had an accident at work. Because it's worker's comp, it has been taking a long time to get anywhere. A month after the accident, I had the official diagnosis. The ligament broke away from the bone and there was a hairline fracture. I broke my knee and surgery is required.

I had an aha tonight that was quite interesting. I was journaling a year in review. I was writing about my job and the toll it was taking on me and then about my accident. I mentioned that I broke my knee and it was my soul screaming “you need a break.” Is it a surprise I broke my knee? I got a physical break in my knee and it's forced me to take it really easy.

Emotionally, this has been crazy. Unable to carry anything, for my hands are occupied with crutches. Unable to do my own laundry. I can't even take a shower by myself. This has been hard.

One of the hardest parts has been an absolute frustration with the state of my home and my feelings of inability to do anything about it. I have literally felt like I couldn't do anything, which of course is an absolute that isn't true. I have been limited but there are still things I can do.

How many times do we say absolutes like that? How many times do we prevent ourselves from achieving anything because we have gone into a negative absolute?

I learned a game called “What If Up” and the point is to spiral up not down. Instead of going down the what-if cycle of despair, you consciously choose to go up. What if I was so powerful I could ask and my home would be cleaned? What if the worker's comp approved surgery so fast and I get my surgery right away? What if my home were as peaceful as I desire it to be?

I know the pieces of my life have been falling into place. It's been an interesting couple of weeks watching it happen. I desired to get my children pajamas for Christmas and the way was provided. They finally called for my son's testing. I have been led to some incredible resources to help me succeed and be ME. All of this from changing my perspective.

It started like this. I was frustrated and telling my friend that it felt like things were falling apart. I then gave myself permission to have things fall apart. Well, when I do that, I follow with a positive. I give myself permission for things to come together. I give myself permission for things to fall into place. When I did that there was so much energy shifting and it was the next day that I got the means to buy pajamas and the call about testing. When I repeated some clearings about things coming together was when other things synchronistically showed up.

Imagine your life if you played what up games or gave yourself permission for positive things to happen!

Things still aren't perfect for me but I'm sure doing my best to focus on the positives. My life is coming together and I have peace in my life. What about you?

With love from my heart to yours,

Michele

P.S. Happy New Year!

Intuitive Coach and Healer

Healing homes and the Soul's who love them.

Decluttering 101

We hear about decluttering all over the place. They even made a Netflix series featuring Marie Kondo. Hearing about it, knowing it needs to be done, and even knowing why it needs to be done doesn't always make it easy to know how.

One person says if you haven't used it in a year, toss it. You toss it and a month later you wish you hadn't. Another says to ask if you'll use it. You think, "No, but I love it so much." "Doesn't matter," they imply, "because if you don't use it you must lose it."

I even remember watching one of those design TV shows where they come in and declutter with the couple. This lady had a sewing machine and little kids. Her husband hadn't seen her use her machine in years since she had the babies. The wife knew she loved her machine and would use it again. They talked her into letting it go.

I got so mad. As a mother of young children, I sympathized with her. I knew that I would use my sewing machine if I had a room I could lock when it wasn't in use or a cabinet that it sat at the ready and yet safe from the kids. My mother's machine was always set up and ready to go so she could just sew when she wanted. Mine is in a box that I have to find a place to set it up after I drag it out of the closet. It just wasn't worth the effort and then there were the little fingers safety issues when my kids were young like this ladies. There's no way I'd sell my machine unless it was my idea and it didn't bring me joy.

I get a little bugged by the mindset that if you haven't worn it in a year, toss it. Some as little as six months. I think that's way too simplistic. There are weather things to consider not just a time frame. What if I was pregnant over that period but I wouldn't be this next winter? I see too many possibilities to go with that simple method.

Along came the KonMari method and I felt a sigh of relief. It was no longer about asking my mind if I'd use it. I was asking my heart if it sparked joy. I was no longer focusing on what to let go of. With that focus, we get triggered into scarcity and start keeping things we wouldn't otherwise. It's kind of like the lose weight or release it concept in dieting. We want to go after what we lose so we gain the weight again. If we're focused on what to get rid of, our safety mechanisms kick in and we start keeping things.

Marie Kondo teaches us to focus on what to keep. Keep what sparks joy. It's so much easier to let something go when you realize it doesn't spark joy! Our mind doesn't try to protect us because our focus is on what is staying, not what we are sending away.

Had that wife been able to keep what sparks joy, she might have kept her sewing machine. The TV crew could have then created a way for her to use her machine. Instead, they were only thinking about the money that machine would bring in. Not the mindset I want when I am decluttering.

One response to the KonMari method is, "If I got rid of anything that didn't bring me joy, I'd get rid of... but my family needs that." I have a great story to counteract this.

My friend said just that to me. She didn't like her crockpot, her fridge, and a few other things. I asked her if she actually asked if the crockpot brought her joy.

Most often we just jump to conclusions about what will and will not bring us joy. We aren't asking our mind if it wants to keep it. We're asking our hearts. When she asked, her answer was a surprise. "Yes. The crockpot brings joy because it brings my family joy with good meals and that brings me joy."

There's a reason why Marie says to touch and hold every object. Joy testing is a matter of the heart. It's tuning into the energy of things and our subconscious. There are things I haven't used in a long time but I felt like they brought me joy. A few months later use for those things came up. My heart knew something my mind didn't.

There have been a few things that I missed after the fact. Mostly books but when I really thought about it, I didn't really miss the books. The information I wanted was usually online anyway.

Our heart knows what brings us joy. It knows how much and why something brings joy. One person may keep many books, another just a few. Some people end up looking like minimalists and other people actually keep quite a lot. The important thing is it's what sparks joy for you. 

One last thought for today. If you ask if it sparks joy and you really think you need it but got a no, it's okay to keep it for a while. Make sure you aren't just keeping everything. Make sure you ask yourself questions about it. What would you use it for and is that realistically going to be needed? Is it a fear that has you keeping it? guilt or shame? What would it feel like if you did let it go? What if you let it go and you did need it? These are just a few questions you could ask. You may find you can let it go after all. Or maybe it's like my friend's fridge, it needed to be kept until a replacement came in.

You can do it! Even people who don't have much might find they have things they can let go of if they ask the right questions. "Does this spark joy?" is one powerful question when deciding what to keep!

Lots of love from my heart to yours,

Michele

The Deep Pit

A few months ago, I went on a big kick to get my bedroom in order. I was decluttering and reorganizing. It felt great to get it all done. My main intention during the process was to actually declutter everything in my room.

A little background, I live with my mom so the only space I have complete control over is my room. Most of my own personal stuff is in that room. So, for me to declutter my room meant I was decluttering most of my stuff.

Some of the things were hard to get through and I learned a lot about myself. Then, I was done. I was able to move onto the downstairs bathroom which was another room that was mostly my stuff. After that, I just seemed to have no energy to face anything in the house.

That led me into a weird funk that actually affected my whole life. I didn't want to face anything outside of the safety of my own room. I wasn't spending all my time in my room. I just wasn't doing cleaning anywhere in the house. I wasn't making my YouTube videos, I wasn't working in my business at all, and I wasn't enjoying life. I was in a pit.

One of the things I teach is that the patterns in our homes are linked to the patterns in our lives. That means that if I want to switch the energy in my life, one tool is doing something different in my home. If I want to switch the energy in my home, I can change something in some area of my life. 

I had the awareness that with my current room layout, I felt like I was sleeping in a pit. Huh? That was exactly how life felt. What could I do about it?

I asked the questions; I got an answer. I needed to rearrange my room.

It hadn't been that long. Was I wrong in my room placement before? No!

Before, my intent was to declutter. For me, knowing I had to move my bed to a certain spot was an encouragement to declutter what was in the way. I needed that push and that was the motivation for the room layout.

I've also learned some interesting things. I hadn't fully cleared the energy from a situation with my neighbors. Much of the situation happened with my bed in the same place and I often stressed, cried, and unloaded in prayer while in my bed. That energy was still hanging around. I was able to finish clearing my home and my heart from that situation.

Now, it's time to rearrange again. This time my intention is getting myself out of the pit. I've already begun the process. I haven't moved my bed as of writing this, but I have moved some other things in the room. Already I can feel a difference in the room. It feels bigger and lighter, which takes much of that pit feeling away.

Things have been happening since the moving of things. I'm feeling less of that pit feeling in my life. I'm recognizing some things that need to change. I have had some ahas about my life and business. All within a few days. I even reconnected with an old friend that used to edit my blogs.

I don't think it's a coincidence that things are shifting in my life after I shifted things in my home. It's not the first time this has happened. It's even a big component of Feng Shui.

If you're feeling like you're in a pit, trapped in a cycle, or some other stuck or heavy feeling, have you asked what you can do in your home to support you in getting out? If not, I hope you do so today.

Lots of love from my heart to yours,

Michele