We hear about decluttering all over the place. They even made a Netflix series featuring Marie Kondo. Hearing about it, knowing it needs to be done, and even knowing why it needs to be done doesn't always make it easy to know how.
One person says if you haven't used it in a year, toss it. You toss it and a month later you wish you hadn't. Another says to ask if you'll use it. You think, "No, but I love it so much." "Doesn't matter," they imply, "because if you don't use it you must lose it."
I even remember watching one of those design TV shows where they come in and declutter with the couple. This lady had a sewing machine and little kids. Her husband hadn't seen her use her machine in years since she had the babies. The wife knew she loved her machine and would use it again. They talked her into letting it go.
I got so mad. As a mother of young children, I sympathized with her. I knew that I would use my sewing machine if I had a room I could lock when it wasn't in use or a cabinet that it sat at the ready and yet safe from the kids. My mother's machine was always set up and ready to go so she could just sew when she wanted. Mine is in a box that I have to find a place to set it up after I drag it out of the closet. It just wasn't worth the effort and then there were the little fingers safety issues when my kids were young like this ladies. There's no way I'd sell my machine unless it was my idea and it didn't bring me joy.
I get a little bugged by the mindset that if you haven't worn it in a year, toss it. Some as little as six months. I think that's way too simplistic. There are weather things to consider not just a time frame. What if I was pregnant over that period but I wouldn't be this next winter? I see too many possibilities to go with that simple method.
Along came the KonMari method and I felt a sigh of relief. It was no longer about asking my mind if I'd use it. I was asking my heart if it sparked joy. I was no longer focusing on what to let go of. With that focus, we get triggered into scarcity and start keeping things we wouldn't otherwise. It's kind of like the lose weight or release it concept in dieting. We want to go after what we lose so we gain the weight again. If we're focused on what to get rid of, our safety mechanisms kick in and we start keeping things.
Marie Kondo teaches us to focus on what to keep. Keep what sparks joy. It's so much easier to let something go when you realize it doesn't spark joy! Our mind doesn't try to protect us because our focus is on what is staying, not what we are sending away.
Had that wife been able to keep what sparks joy, she might have kept her sewing machine. The TV crew could have then created a way for her to use her machine. Instead, they were only thinking about the money that machine would bring in. Not the mindset I want when I am decluttering.
One response to the KonMari method is, "If I got rid of anything that didn't bring me joy, I'd get rid of... but my family needs that." I have a great story to counteract this.
My friend said just that to me. She didn't like her crockpot, her fridge, and a few other things. I asked her if she actually asked if the crockpot brought her joy.
Most often we just jump to conclusions about what will and will not bring us joy. We aren't asking our mind if it wants to keep it. We're asking our hearts. When she asked, her answer was a surprise. "Yes. The crockpot brings joy because it brings my family joy with good meals and that brings me joy."
There's a reason why Marie says to touch and hold every object. Joy testing is a matter of the heart. It's tuning into the energy of things and our subconscious. There are things I haven't used in a long time but I felt like they brought me joy. A few months later use for those things came up. My heart knew something my mind didn't.
There have been a few things that I missed after the fact. Mostly books but when I really thought about it, I didn't really miss the books. The information I wanted was usually online anyway.
Our heart knows what brings us joy. It knows how much and why something brings joy. One person may keep many books, another just a few. Some people end up looking like minimalists and other people actually keep quite a lot. The important thing is it's what sparks joy for you.
One last thought for today. If you ask if it sparks joy and you really think you need it but got a no, it's okay to keep it for a while. Make sure you aren't just keeping everything. Make sure you ask yourself questions about it. What would you use it for and is that realistically going to be needed? Is it a fear that has you keeping it? guilt or shame? What would it feel like if you did let it go? What if you let it go and you did need it? These are just a few questions you could ask. You may find you can let it go after all. Or maybe it's like my friend's fridge, it needed to be kept until a replacement came in.
You can do it! Even people who don't have much might find they have things they can let go of if they ask the right questions. "Does this spark joy?" is one powerful question when deciding what to keep!
Lots of love from my heart to yours,
Michele
No comments:
Post a Comment