You've probably heard about love languages. I don't know what your child's love languages is but let me tell you mine. My love language gifts. Many of my children have a high love language of gifts, first or second. This is important to remember with our kids and I'll tell you why from my perspective.
My mom didn't know what was important to me. My dad didn't know what mattered to me. When they decided what I no longer needed, often it in some way broke my heart. Things that meant a lot to me were tossed away as unimportant. Like that empty compact, my grandma gave me. To my parents, that looked like garbage. To me, it was a symbol of my grandma's love.
It's hard for me to hear about people going through their kids' toys. Especially hard if they do it while their kids are gone. When I have had conversations about this, I often hear things about how they don't believe their children would get rid of things. Sometimes they think they are too young, and in some cases, yes, they are too young. You'd be surprised at what kids are capable of.
We all know from our own experience or watching our children that when that old fast food toy comes out of hiding the kid is back in love with the toy. They cherish it for the next day or so only to be tossed aside again. This is often the reason I hear most for why a child "cannot decide for themselves." The in the moment love of all toys especially the one in my hand way children have can be quite convincing.
This is my suggestion before you start jumping to conclusions about what your children would do or are capable of. Teach them how to joy test.
Teach them to hold each object and listen to their heart. It could look different to each child so be cautious about how you word it. Some kids do really well with the idea of does it make you feel light or heavy. One of mine describes it as dark or light.
Another of my boys was trying to keep every shirt he owned. I knew that he bypassed a few of them in his drawer. He'd only wear one when there was nothing else in his drawer and yet, here he was keeping it. I was a little frustrated because I knew he was old enough to do this. Finally, he stopped and asked me, "Mom, does my heart sound like a ghost?" I was a bit shocked, but I answered that yes it can and watched a change. He let go of that shirt I knew he didn't like as well as quite a few more.
I hear thoughts when I joy test. Why I was surprised my son would is beyond me. I just forgot that different people receive answers in different ways and my child could receive like I do. Light/heavy, happy/sad, light/dark, voices, pictures they see in their mind, and more. There are a lot of ways to get answers for yourself and your child will have a way that comes naturally to them as well.
One day, I put every toy in our house in a huge pile on the front room floor. There was nowhere to walk. It was exactly what my kids needed. They needed to see just how much stuff they had. It took a while, but we sorted through that whole pile. In the end, each child kept very little and only what actually brought joy. We sent a lot of things away from our house that day.
Since then, it's been easy for them to let toys go. We get to go through similar processes often. Birthdays and Christmas inevitably increase the amounts of things they have. They grow and mature and their interests change. When they know it is safe to let things go and only keep what brings joy, it's a lot easier. It's also easier to put things away when there isn't as much stuff.
If you have a hard time letting things go, your kids will. You must be willing to declutter your stuff and let your kids see you do it before you engage them in the process. They need to see that it is safe and really does bring you joy. Kids are extremely sensitive to the energy of their environment. They'll feel the difference as you let things go.
Try teaching them as soon as you can. If you find they keep a lot of things, evaluate. Are they really old enough to understand what you are asking? Some kids get it at younger ages than others. If they aren't ready to joy test, that's okay. They'll learn eventually. Have you tried finding out how they hear their heart? Are you asking the right questions? Are you questioning their choices? If they say let it go, they get to let it go. If it's important to you, and sparks joy for you, then save it for you, not for them. Don't ask them if they're sure or even act shocked at some of the things they say goodbye to.
In the end, you're the parent. You get to make the decisions right for you and your family. Even if I get triggered, that's my problem, not yours. 😃 You may decide they didn't let go of enough, so you need to help the process. There are things we know most of our children won't miss. You can make that executive decision if you need to. I would suggest you wait a while, a month maybe, so they don't associate their decision with yours overriding it. They need to feel respected so they learn to trust their heart as they mature.
I'm sure you have some ideas to help the process along. Go ahead and leave a comment for other moms.
Lots of love from my heart to yours,
Michele
No comments:
Post a Comment